I haven't blogged in so long. Life has been busy. Full of drama. Maybe I'll eventually write about it all, but today I feel like writing about something else. Well, you all know how I struggle with the SAHM thing. I actually thought I was close about a month ago and then it fell through. And you all know about our sweet little girl's little health issue too. Well, my husband and I have come to a decision and it was a bit hard, but really in the end not so much. As of this Friday, my husband is taking a leave and staying home with our baby girl. I have never felt so at peace, which is strange given my desire to be a SAHM. I have tried so many avenues in the last months to try to stay home and none of them panned out for me/us. See I carry our insurance, his job doesn't offer it, he is type 1 diabetic and baby girl has her issues. All expensive medical issues - we need good insurance. The economy is horrible. I have an awesome job, in a business that is thriving. We are doing the right thing all around. The amazing thing is I'm okay with it. I don't know that I would have been a year ago. But something about this place I am in right now and the growth in my life spiritual gives me peace in the decision that we've made and I know it is the right one. You see for a few years now I have really struggled with my purpose in life, my role in our marriage and how to be the best mom I could be while working full time. However, I have realized that I was making it all too complicated. It's all about walking the path with God, trusting that you are where you are meant to be and that He has a great plan for you to bless you abundantly if you just follow Him and just love Him.
He has entrusted such great little blessings to me/us. It is all about doing the right thing for them, loving them, raising them to love HIM and helping them to get to heaven. That's all it's about for each of us. I've been doing a book/bible study at church. It's actually a women's study. I was a little worried, because it is very much about a woman's femine role and you know I have a complex about the working mom thing when it comes to church groups. Sometimes it feels like the SAHMs judge you - like you aren't where you're supposed to be. Well, I can say for sure I know that I am where I am supposed to be in this given moment. That may change in the future, but as of right now this is His place for me and I am at peace with that. There is a passage in the book I'm reading right now that really has spoken to me on many levels...
"(Mary) waited with patience and expectant faith, performing the common duties of her station...she went about saying her prayers, praising God, caring for that which was entrusted to her..." As for me, I am going to aim to get better at doing the common duties of my station with joy and faith, all the while praying and growing with Him. What an awesome role model Mary is for all women. I've picked up my rosary again too. What peace it brings to me, and I know in my heart grace too.
My prayer for today: Heavenly Father, thank-you for all the wonderful blessings in my life! Help me to be patient with my little ones each day. Help me to grow in an abundant life with you and help me to be the woman you always meant for me to be.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
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